On/Off the Clock in Retirement

Baby boomers are not the first generation of retirees to notice the change in pace that comes with retirement, but we will be the first generation to blog about it. The clock is one of the great under-reported stories of retirement. Blogging and other Internet options bring new attention to it as retirees can quite literally broadcast their progress through the day, minute by minute. Or at least report on how they spent their time. Or have that reflected in the date stamps* of their blogs and emails.

I'm not referring to the standard joke about all days being equal when you are retired. I am referring to the daily pace of the clock. When my sister and brother-in-law retired, they told me about their new and unexpected schedules. They sometimes stayed up all night watching TV or surfing the net, able to say to themselves, "I don't have to get up tomorrow." There was much compensatory napping in those early days of retirement.

In my house, different sleep patterns have been the norm so Tom and I have never shared a schedule. In our first year of "home together" we are making our individual changes in pace that occasionally put us on the same task at approximately the same time of day. But we haven't managed to pull all-nighters together yet.

One of my goals for this year is to reconcile the seeming contradiction of ignoring the clock and getting to bed by 11pm. I started aiming for a regular bedtime a couple of years ago. As a night owl, I enjoy the hours of midnight and beyond. As an aging adult, I feel the very real change in my sleep hours and I know that if I stay up until 2am or 3am, I will feel miserable all the next day. (Compensatory napping doesn't work for me.)

So, I seek a regular bedtime but I am intrigued by this idea that the clock has little import on my daily life, now. I work on my own schedule whereby appointments are set according to "best day" rather than "best hour." Students are not looking for me in my office. I don't have to unlock a classroom door to let students in. I need to know what time the Post Office closes but I don't have to sandwich it in between timed trips to the cleaners and the bank. And frankly, most of the retail establishments I frequent are open more hours of the day than I need them to be.

So, I wear a watch only on days that I go to client meetings. For virtual meetings, I set my phone alarm for 20 minutes prior (to insure that I am reminded to get to a quiet spot for the needed exchange). I turned my office clock to an angle that I cannot see from my usual sitting positions. And I removed the clock from my bedside. (Slight disadvantage there for my goal of getting to sleep by 11....)

* I did not actually post this blog entry at 3:00 AM, although the date stamp implies that. I set blogs to appear in very early morning because a reader who is an early riser (she is The Chef) once told me that she prefers to start her day with "fresh reading." And she starts her day at 5:00. Or earlier.

© 2008 Mary Bold, PhD, CFLE. The content of this blog or related web sites created by Mary Bold (www.marybold.com, www.boldproductions.com, College Intern Blog) is not under any circumstances to be regarded as professional, legal, financial, or medical advice. Or education advice. Or marital advice. Or even a tip.

The Post-Retirement Wars: Too Much Togetherness

Time with your partner. Well, if you have a partner, retirement certainly helps you draw swift conclusions about him or her. Chances are, you won't have had this much togetherness with this person since you were dating. That's when you wanted to spend long days together, lazing around your apartment with no more than a single outing to a cafe to break up the day. Now, you are in retirement with this person and the apartment is probably replaced by a house and yard—and the cafe is more likely the patio outside Starbucks, and it's actually the place you use as an escape. From your partner in retirement.

There is no such thing as preparation for the adjustment to retirement with a partner. You can fret over finances, set up annuities, reverse-mortgage your house, fund your 401K, and a host of other strategies to "prepare" for retirement. None of them addresses the challenge of sharing a home with time on everyone's hands. (Of course, some couples fix that: one of them keeps working, and it's sometimes only to keep the peace.)

It also doesn't matter how much you know, except when that's too much: It doesn't matter if you have a doctorate in family studies and can quote research on human development, family dynamics, and couple communication. (Oh, that's me.) That knowledge doesn't really arm you for the skills you need, mainly the ability to bite your tongue. And the knowledge can even cause a new problem: if you've studied longevity then you know that retirement may go on for decades. Ideally the adjustment to togetherness will take months, not years, but the thought of 40 more years of togetherness may be disheartening when the adjustment is still underway.

On a personal note: Tom Bold is the star of this column. I could hide the facts of his maddening habits at home (he sits either at the kitchen bar or on a favorite couch—that's all, just those two spots), of his lack of outside contact (he goes to Walmart and..., no, just Walmart), and of his primary pastime (he plays a computer game that I stubbornly do not learn the name of), but the greater public service is to tell you. These facts can either assure you that your own partner is not so unusual, or make you feel smug that yours is superior in habits. ~ Lida

© 2008 Mary Bold, PhD, CFLE. The content of this blog or related web sites created by Mary Bold (www.marybold.com, www.boldproductions.com, College Intern Blog) is not under any circumstances to be regarded as professional, legal, financial, or medical advice. Or education advice. Or marital advice. Or even a tip.